This is honestly so embarrassing to post and USUALLY there’s an AFTER photo to go with them…not this time. I don’t have one yet. I pray and hope i will though soon! So here is what my face looks like right now.
2 months after I gave birth to Luke (in April 2018) my face started breaking out. I thought it was just a short term thing but unfortunately it’s stuck around till now. Honestly this whole acne thing has been SO new to me. I grew up with absolutely no struggle with acne or skin problems in general!! So i’ve really struggled with this.
I’ve tried facials (which were refreshing and soothing btw) I’ve tried tropical creams, changing my makeup, swapping out brushes, shampoos, detergents…using natural products…you name it!! I’ve tried it. But nothing has worked.
We changed the way we were eating last November (no meat and primarily plant based diet) it started to flare up even MORE! So many have told me that its because of the way we eat now which i agree to an extent-i think i’ve irritated whatever is causing it and its bringing it to the surface. Idk.
We were doing SO great! Buttt I haven’t stuck to eating right the past few weeks. So much has been going on personally and i’ve been lazy. Eating right and trying to live healthier takes alot of discipline and work. No meat still but i’ve let some dairy and sugar and things I KNOW aren’t good for me.
See after going plant based it’s like my body did a 180 on what it would allow me to eat. I can no longer enjoy dairy without being sick the next morning…I can’t even think of eating an egg it makes me want to vomit (okay this is my personal experience if you like your eggs and they work for you no need to take offense I’m just sharing how they make ME feel) i cant eat them anymore. i can no longer enjoy cake like I used to. Fast food. So much food wise has changed for me! I don’t even crave or want soda. I do miss pizza sometimes! That was my comfort food butttt if I eat it now I have to accept Im going to be sick the next day!
I’ll share more about all that in another post.
Anyway, I have never really struggled with feeling insecure of how I looked. I credit alot of that to my Mom. She never made a point of pointing out my flaws or the things that I saw issue with. She always replaced our negative view of ourselves with her positive words. That helped.
But even so, just recently has it started to bother me. Especially cause people feel the need to point it out to me every single time they see me. I walked into the beauty salon where I get my facial and at least 6 of the ladies crowded around me and where asking “what happened?!?”. Even though i had just been in there with the acne 2 weeks ago. When anyone asks me what’s wrong with my face here they say it in this pity voice tone ha! Ive always been okay with looking not put together and I am not intimidated to go out in public (especially the mall) looking like a bum to impress people i’ll only see probably once in my lifetime. But lately I notice myself not looking at people in the eye anymore. I try and avoid being in a spot to long where people can take a good look at my acne.
I know it may seem like not a big deal but it is to me. I am so sad to go through this but im thankful the Lord has allowed me to-its allowed me to have so much compassion for other girls who have struggled and are still struggling with ACNE. Most of them are already struggling with insecurities of their own PLUS this. I want so badly to heal this and figure out a way so that I can help and inspire other girls. I know it will take alot of time, determination and discipline on my part.
I want so badly to heal my acne. I no longer enjoy taking picture with my family or posting pictures of me in them because of it. I know my face does not define me-but it can be used sometimes to discourage you. I do know that it is a reflection of whats going on on the inside! So im going to focus in healing the INSIDE so I can bring healing to the outside.
Tonight I looked in the mirror and decided Im done. Im ready to be all in. Im ready to do what I know it takes (not antibiotics) to heal my acne NATURALLY! Im going to come out of this! Im going to share my journey with you. I know i share everything and put everything out there but this by far will be the most embarrassing and intimidating thing to put out. I could fail. Plus I know this is not typical. Most people like to see the AFTER results but im going to take you along on my journey as I try to heal!
If you like you can follow along on my INSTAGRAM: abiejewell